Preparing for the "What If"

I don't have a good reason to write tonight. I just need to. I have always prided myself in having no fear and showing no fear if I have it until I can talk myself out of it. Even now, I am not sure that the thing I have is fear or just a result of the fact that I am being forced to face the fact that it's time for me to start thinking about "what if?" I've always been a fly-by-the-seat of my pants person in terms of things like health insurance, financial planning, and even making out a will. I have progressively over the past 5 or so years matured in these areas, and though I have not bought into the whole "American Dream" hook, line and sinker, I have bought life insurance and started thinking about my end of life wishes and who I would trust to carry them out. Yes, I am becoming a responsible adult.

Things should be fairly simple. I am a single woman. I don't have any great amount of debt. I have one grown child, another who's 17, and the youngest is 13. But I want to be remembered beyond what I leave behind. I don't want to just go quietly. I'm not ready, and I really hope that my time won't be up anytime soon. I want to be an old lady. I want to fall in love. I want to leave a huge mark on this world that says "I was here. I did something with this life." Maybe I would not be thinking about this if a close friend had not passed away this summer. A friend who had a lot of plans and so much to offer. A friend who wanted so much to be here for her family. If her time on Earth could be up, well, so could mine. So, instead of agonizing over what if, and having it hanging out there, I have decided to get my house in order and keep it that way, so to speak. I have chosen the person that I would want to handle the details. Now I need to make a will. I'm also going to start organizing things so that my loved ones will have to "deal" with as little as possible. Then I am going to pray for at least 50 more years of happy, healthy life. Namaste.