Jamal is getting married today; maybe even right now, and I could not be happier. This is what he wanted. This is what I knew would happen. He was a great love of my life. It was an earth rotation stopping kind of love. When we were together life was effortless and everything was perfect, even with all of the underlying imperfection of the relationship. He was a Saudi national, but came to the U.S. frequently as a student and then for work and pleasure. He loves the U.S. and has traveled the country extensively. He always thought he would marry an American. I knew him well enough to know that he would not. His family ties were much too strong. That, combined with the fact that he wanted 6 children and did not want to get married until age 40, made it even more likely that he would return to the Kingdom and marry a nice Saudi girl. In 2009 was the last time we traveled together. The last time I saw him was 2 years later in 2011. We had lunch and he presented me with gifts he had collected for me over the previous 2 years: from Mecca, Turkey, Iran and Kuwait. They were gifts with deep meaning that showed clearly that even though we did not have a future he thought about me and cared. I was thrilled for him last fall, a few months after his fortieth birthday, when I received the email that he was engaged, to a nice Saudi girl. His friend had married her sister. He described the woman as “his perfect match.” “Mashallah, my brother,” was my sincere reply. In these months leading up to this day, he has sent me the usual New Year, birthday and Mother’s Day greetings, along with questions about different tourist attractions he was considering while planning his honeymoon here in the States and thanks for my assistance.
I am happy today because someone I loved and care about has fulfilled a dream and is opening a new, and hopefully wonderful chapter of his life. Coincidentally, yesterday would have been my 25th wedding anniversary had the marriage not gone down in flames 17 years ago. All of this causes me to continue my constant questioning, and the question I ask myself is do I want to remain single for the rest of my life? I knew 10 years ago that I wanted to be single. I thought that maybe by the time I was 40 I would consider getting married. Here now at 44 ½, I am sure and yet not so sure of what I want. I am perfectly happy being single as in not married and not in a relationship, and the old saying, “Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke,” comes to mind. On the other hand, I think it’s nice to have someone to do things with now that my children are busy with their own family and friends. I guess the simple answer is at the moment, if I’m not sure I am ready to share my life, then I am probably not. Maybe by 50.
As for Jamal and his new bride, I hope that they are blessed with the six children that I was not willing to give him and a lifetime of happiness.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
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