The other day I kept seeing the Facebook status “Honey Booboo’s mom has a boyfriend and you’re still single…let that sink in.” Well, first I had to look up who Honey Booboo was and exactly why it was so funny that she had a boyfriend while others were single, because I am kind of busy keeping up with real issues instead of reality TV. After a quick Google search I saw the humor of the status, and although I am one of those “still singles” I did find it funny because I often get the, “Why are you single?” question more often than necessary. I’ve never felt the need to make a blanket statement about this, because it is after all, my business as to why I remain outside of a monogamous relationship, but for some reason today, I don’t feel the need to defend, but to simply enlighten whoever chooses to delve into my logic.
A few years ago an acquaintance thought they had the answer. He said, “You just want to be an international hoochie!” He of course was referring to the fact that I when I do date or travel that it usually ends up being a person from some faraway land (and in some cases just another state). He wrongly made the assumption that I have a lot of boyfriends, as opposed to the truth of the matter that I have a lot of male friends. I also have a lot of female friends, and being that I am a 43 year old woman supporting myself, I have the freedom of choice to travel or house either my male or female friends. So, although his original statement was insulting, it wasn’t entirely off base in that one reason I don’t pursue a traditional relationship is that I like to be able to travel where and with whom I choose.
The second and most important reason for not only remaining single, but maintaining only longer-distance relationships is because I have never felt that I have enough time to spend with my three wonderful children (now, also a grandson) and there is just not enough of me to share my time on any regular basis with another person. Life already cuts into my family time enough without trying to squeeze another person in on a daily basis. Long distance works better because I can schedule time spent with those friends around the times that my children already have other plans.
The last important reason is that I simply don’t seem to play well with others on a long term basis. I understand that this could change with the right person, but I have not met that person yet. Even the people in my life (outside of my family) that are most important, are only truly tolerable for about 10 days on end! I have proven this time and again on many trips with friends. I am still capable of having a good time, but it is always at day number 10 (straight) that I began to get antsy and notice the “little things,” begin to aggravate my usually easy going demeanor.
Like I said, these situations could change, given the exactly right person. I have met many “almost rights,” but I have yet to meet the perfect fit. That does not mean the “perfect person;” I am well aware that doesn’t exist, nor am I in any way, shape or form perfect, but I have tough standards on which I am not likely to back down. Baggage is my biggest issue, and yes, I am aware that is a double standard since children usually fall under this category, but I know for any relationship of regularity, I would prefer someone to not have children on an everyday basis or completely grown and independent children. I know me, and I am a wonderful mother and grandmother, but a “step” anything, we would have to see. The second standard is just as much of a challenge, as I don’t do drama and this person would not have any lingering exes. My preference is never married, but since I don’t have any real contact with either of my exes, I do understand that it is possible to make a clean break. The other hard and fast standard is that this person would have to be as tolerant as I am. I have friends of many races, religions, cultures and sexual orientations and the deal breaker would be that someone would say something insulting any of my friends.
So, after this little tirade it would seem that I will remain single as I have been for more than a decade. I’m not looking per se, but I simply keep my eyes open for the one person as adventurous, outdoorsy, hard-working, unbiased, unencumbered and nonjudgmental as I am. It’s a big world and I have no problem with “keeping my eyes open” while trampling all over it!
Peace, Namaste and Asalaam Alaykum y’all!
